Caregiver, When Is Death a Valid Choice?

That may sound like an insulting question.

However, the answer is, whenever the patient chooses it.

As a caregiver that can be difficult to accept.

You need to keep in mind that your patient’s health and wellness is beyond your control.

You can offer care and advice, but it is up to your patient to make their own decisions.  If they don’t own them, they will not benefit anyway.

Many patients feel that their disease has removed their choices and reduced them to the level of a child

Often caregivers ask family members questions that the patient could answer themselves.  They get to the point where they feel invisible.

You care about your loved one and want what is best for them.

It can be difficult to allow them to make decisions that you don’t support.  If you were in their position, who knows what your decision would be.

The most loving thing you can do, is let them know why you feel another decision would serve them better. 

Explore the options with them. Then allow them to decide.

The most respectful thing you can offer a patient or loved one is the right to die with dignity.

Unfortunately, that could take months to years, and the only thing you can do, is offer your care.

Privacy is something to take very seriously.  If you can honor their space and keep them comfortable, you are doing all you can.

Educate yourself so that you will know what they need, but leave the decisions up to them as much as possible.

Sometimes letting the patient know that

“death is a valid choice”

is enough to shake them up and make them realize that they are making a choice.  And that they can choose differently.

Though just as often, they choose to refuse care, especially supplemental oxygen.  Encourage the patient to use oxygen to keep them more comfortable, but if they refuse, be gentle with yourself, and allow them that choice.

It will cost you YOUR health, if you care more than your patient or loved one does.  You can only help yourself.

They will need to help themselves.

Using oxygen through the night is often the only way to get patients to begin to meet their body’s oxygen needs.  If that doesn’t work, try starting oxygen when they get up in the middle of the night to urinate.

This is the point that their oxygen level is probably the lowest it is all day, and if you can get them to use it then, they should benefit noticeably from the effort.

Sometimes feeling a bit better, can motivate further change.  They may choose to help themselves.

Most importantly, take care of yourself!

You will be a much better caregiver and have more to offer, if you nurture yourself.

Many blessings,

Carrie

PS– Remember everyday:

1. Relax and Release tension
2. Take deeep breaths
3. Be active in a way that adds joy to your life

Plus pure water ~whole foods~sunshine~and laughter

PPS– Caregivers need support, so let’s keep in touch.  Enter your email address in the box at the right.  Let me know if there is a particular aspect of care giving that you would like more information or feed back on.

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