Grief is inevitable, it is a part of life. The more that we love, the more that we will come to know it.

I know it well today. My good friend Terry died last night.

I miss her already.

I’ve shared Terry’s story with you recently. She had fought so long, but we thought she had finally got a foothold. We thought she was finally out of the woods. Oh was she happy to be home!

I was shocked when my daughters Briana and Makayla met me at my van as I pulled in my driveway after dark.

Briana said, “Mommy, Jonathan called…….he said Terry passed away.”

My heart sank, and my only thought was, “why didn’t I hug her the last time I saw her.”

Though I knew why. I didn’t hug her because I had muddy shoes on, and now I will never get another chance to hug her.

“Why didn’t I get over there more often,” was my next thought.

I know the answer to that question too. There was no excuse, I just got caught up in the busy life of raising kids and working long hours.

But it was more than that………

It had become very difficult for me to watch Terry fade away.

She would not use her oxygen, because she could not afford to pay her electric bill.

I kept telling her to, “have faith”, and “everything will work out”.

She just never seemed to feel worthy of having her needs met.

She was a sweet soul. Always ready to give a helping hand. She pulled up to my house last Christmas and made her poor son, John, drag a huge tree into my family room, making it a very special holiday.

She was the smiling face at the school everyday for the first couple rough years of the brand new Charter School that my children attend. Volunteering her time, she became a familiar and comforting face to all of the students at Volcano School of Arts and Sciences, now a thriving successful charter school.

We were a team, initiating an effort to start a Parent Teacher Organization at the school for the first time in it’s 7 year history. We succeeded!

Terry was the center of her three children’s world, even the 2 that were already grown.

Yet, Terry never felt worthy. She had a hard time accepting anything given. She would go out of her way, but refuse to let you do the same for her. (I had to insist!)

Terry died because she wouldn’t complain loud enough until it was too late.

She died because she wouldn’t use oxygen because it cost to much.

Death is a valid choice. Sometimes it is what people choose. Each one of us has freedom of choice. We can’t make choices for our loved ones.

That is the grief that sucks. That is the kind that feels fatal.

Mourning the loss of someone who never gave themselves the chance to shine is a very painful thing. If only….

So how can you heal your grief?

• First off, make it a habit to hug everyone you love, every time you leave them. You may not get another chance.
• Resolve to reach out to others with education that they need to know. Heart disease kills more people than all other cause combined. Building health is the answer to every disease.
• Plug into your community. There is joy, where there is relationship.
• Be active in online communities like Heart Failure Solutions
• Accept what happened, whatever that was. You will have peace when you find acceptance.
• Find a buddy and get active together. Encouraging each other with healthy meal ideas can make the difference with difficult lifestyle changes. Having a partner increases commitment.

Allowing the grieving process to bring about positive change is the best way to heal, and certainly what your loved one would want for you.

Many blessings,

Carrie

PS– Remember everyday:

1. Relax and Release tension
2. Take deeep breaths
3. Be active in a way that adds joy to your life

Plus pure water ~whole foods~sunshine~and laughter

Tags: death, emotional health, Grief, grieving, technorati